I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
