I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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