Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize