I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
