it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize