Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
