I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
