We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
