i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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