Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
