just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
