I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
