I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my poor anus
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
