Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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