Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
