I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
