do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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