Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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