God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm both gender and math confused
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
