Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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