I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
