Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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