DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
