Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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