Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
