EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
