I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
