I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
