I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So much rum. So many feels.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
