is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
