I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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