The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
