I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
