i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
