I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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