3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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