They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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