I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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