fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
