even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize