Someone shit on the floor
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
