We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
