I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
