good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
