Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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