I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pooping to opera.
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