cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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