He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
