I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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