ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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