Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is classic penis vs brain.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
