I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And then my night got REAL pukey
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
