The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
