Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This is my gift to your gina
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
