So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
