I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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