Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
