Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
