While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
