actually, I'm a sock model
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
