In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
