she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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