i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Pooping to opera.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
