you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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