from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
