Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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