Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
