They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize