wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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