Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
