If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
