Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
