I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
