we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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