I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
