I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
