come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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