I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
