i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
