Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
