i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
