I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
